Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
