i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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