Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
