i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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