Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
