Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
