just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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