You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
