so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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