My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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