I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
