So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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