my vag is so smooth its legendary
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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