My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
