I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
