Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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