lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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