I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
