I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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