i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
