Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
