u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
