Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
