Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
