hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
