He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
