I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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