woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
