the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
