if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
