i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
