His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize