She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Randomize
