yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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