You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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