Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize