im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
