Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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