I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
