Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
