Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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