eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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