Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
3pm strippers are depressing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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