You really coming over, don't trick.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is the high leading the old right now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
