God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
