I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
