i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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