he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
