5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
