official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
