Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize