Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
