chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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