Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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