I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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