I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
