They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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