it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
