Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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