mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
