VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
