i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
