Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
