I'm going to jail i love you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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