I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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