You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize