Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
