Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
