i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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