Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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