when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
