Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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