When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize