Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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