a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
