Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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