So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
