I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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