the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sober January is a disaster.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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