Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
