My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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