The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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