It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize