He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
