he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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