I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
