I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
