Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
