Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
