if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
