We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
