If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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