I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
