My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
