my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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