so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
