pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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