your parents love me but you hate me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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