I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
