on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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