who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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