I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
