I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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