I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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