I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Welp...herpes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
