Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize