He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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