I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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