The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
