Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize