im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
