How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
