Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
