I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize