i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
