Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need to align my fucking chakras
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
