I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
